


i can't walk out, i love you too much baby

by ballumschmallum



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Ballum fluff, EastEnders - Freeform, Light Smut, M/M, Reunion, ballum - Freeform, ballum lockdown, ballum softness, ben x callum, cheesy songs references alert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-18
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:47:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26529967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ballumschmallum/pseuds/ballumschmallum
Summary: Ben was caught in a trap, how could he ever walk out when he loved Callum too much?orPost reunion of Ben and Callum in January 2020.
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell, Jay Brown & Callum "Halfway" Highway & Ben Mitchell & Lola Pearce, Jay Brown/Lola Pearce
Comments: 4
Kudos: 59
Collections: ballum lockdown





	i can't walk out, i love you too much baby

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BlueStarAngel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueStarAngel/gifts).



> This is my Ballum Lockdown gift for @BlueStarAngel. If you have not checked out her Ballum stories then you should, they're incredible!
> 
> Following my sneaky asks, I decided to write for you a coda to when Ben and Callum reunited in January 2020. I also had a look through your stories as you suggested to me on what songs remind you of our amazing boys and I discreetly added the lyrics to a few of the songs in the story. Apart from the title perhaps, that's a big giveaway ;) I hope you like it, continue being amazing<3

From the moment that Callum’s lips crashed onto his, it was like Ben was finally breathing again. After all these weeks of feeling trapped in an empty shell and being forced to cut off his feelings, Ben felt free, like Callum had breathed life into him, just like he had done multiple times over the past few months. As well as Lexi, Ben was given some lasting treasure in Callum that made his life worth living. A reason to wake up in the morning without thinking about being too in depth with some latest scandal.

Their lips smacked together as they pulled away from each other to the sound of Ben’s little girl’s excited and surprised cry. They were both overcome with emotion and could feel their eyes being glazed over with wet tears, tears of joy that were threatening to pour like the steaming water that Callum pours into their cups of coffee every morning when they stayed over at his flat. Ben cannot wait to have those mornings back and if he played his cards right, he may get that tomorrow. That is if Callum does not have second thoughts and will still love him tomorrow.

With Lexi cuddled into his side, Ben looked up at Callum and he could see the love that Callum had for him shine in his eyes. Despite the bad things that Ben had ever did and which Callum was aware of, Ben still could not come to grips of how Callum could still give his love for him so sweetly. If the police do not catch up with him first, then Ben was almost _certain_ that Callum would be the death of him. Callum could always see right through him, could drag him away from the darkness and into his world that glows with hope and positivity. Callum could bring out the soft side in Ben and that is what made Ben so scared, because it made him feel vulnerable, but he felt safe because Callum was around and for as long as Callum was with him, he had that sense of security, that nothing could get at him, _ever_.

Later that evening, Ben smiled softly as he watched Lexi sleep after reading her a bedtime story. He watched the steady rise of her chest as she breathed easily in deep slumber. Ben leaned down and gently kissed her forehead.

“Night princess,” he whispered.

Ben turned towards the sudden sound of Lola and Callum laughing from Billy and Jay’s living room. He suddenly felt his heart in his throat, thinking that he could have been in Portugal by now and would have left all of this behind. The family unit that was built would have been torn down and been part of ancient ruins – a perfect and happy family that could have been. Ben quickly shook that thought out of his head because that reality did not happen. The main thing was that he stayed here with Callum and Lexi and whatever happened, he would _always_ have them.

Ben exhaled and rose to his feet. Taking one last look at his little girl, Ben walked out of the room and pushed the door to behind him, making sure that a night lamp was left on encase Lexi woke up in the night.

“Everything okay?” Lola questioned as she sat beside Jay on the sofa. Callum was sitting in the armchair.

“Yeah,” said Ben as he sat on the arm of the chair that Callum was sitting in. He felt his heart flutter when Callum wrapped his arm securely around his waist, like it was a lifeline. “I managed to sneak a pound under Lexi’s pillow.” He grinned, thinking back to earlier on in the evening when he carried out Lexi’s wish of pulling her wobbly tooth out.

“I still can’t believe you did that,” Callum grimaced, making Ben breath out a chuckle. “Anyway, we better get going, you must be tired.” Callum went on to say genuinely.

“Yeah…” Ben dragged out. He sneaked a glance over at Lola and Jay who were shaking their heads smirking. “You wanna head back to yours?” Ben scratched the back of his neck.

“Yeah sure, Stuart and Rainie are out for the night so we’ll have the place to ourselves,” Callum mentions suggestively. “You’ve even got an overnight bag,” he added cheekily, knowing that Ben’s red rucksack is sitting by the door. This earned a laugh from Jay and Lola.

Ben grinned with a fond roll of his eyes, “I’m sure half of my stuff is still at yours anyway.”

A pang stabbed in Callum’s chest. He knew that some of Ben’s stuff was still at his and was locked away tightly in one of his bedroom drawers. Since their breakup at Christmas, he had refused to open that drawer because he would have just got a waft of Ben, the smell of his clothes and the relationship they shared. It was all memories. But not anymore. Because it is no longer a blissful but heart-breaking memory, it is now the present and hopefully the future.

Ben let out a deep sigh and turned to Callum, “Come on then Romeo,” he quipped with a smirk. “Let’s go, let’s not waste anymore of Jay and Lola’s time.” He announced, using his strength to pull himself up off the arm of the chair.

Callum smiled shyly as he rose to his feet, “I’ll see you later,” he addressed to Lola and Jay. They both waved at Callum whereas Ben bid them goodnight with a mock salute. Ben turned round to find Callum draping his red rucksack over his shoulder.

“Always the gentleman eh babe,” Ben commented as he strided over to Callum and locking his hand into his home, like a key turning in a lock.

“It’s in my nature,” Callum shrugged.

Ben licked his lips, “Hmm, I’m sure I can make a good boy bad for at least one weekend.” He says huskily, planting a kiss on Callum’s cheek, the brief feel of Callum’s stubble sending electric shivers throughout his body, sparking a fire. The heat of the fire that was about to be ignited matched the colour of Callum’s cheeks that were starting to turn a soft shade of pink. 

“Get a room you two,” Jay exclaimed in a mock disgusted tone. “I quite enjoyed my prawn balls tonight, I don’t fancy chucking them back up!”

Ben stole a brief glance over at Jay and raised his eyebrow. “See you later,” he said and led Callum out of the house.

As soon as they stepped out into the outside, the cold air hit them, clawing at them tightly. Ben and Callum looked at each other and smiled. No words were needed at that moment, all the words that needed to be spoken was glowing in their eyes by the way that they gazed at each other, how they looked at each other lovingly like their worlds just evolved around one another and everything else was non-existent.

Ben leaned up and prodded his lips against Callum’s. When Ben moved his lips away, Callum was smiling.

“Let’s go **_home_** ,” Callum says, taking Ben’s hand in his. Callum felt comfortable calling his flat his home again because wherever Ben was, that was his home. And if the flat was the place to be tonight with Ben by his side, then that was his home. His home was with Ben.

Callum lifted Ben’s hand up to his lips and kissed his knuckles. Ben’s breath hitched in his throat and he could feel his heart thumping in his chest. Thumping for Callum, just like it always would. A sultry look glazed over Ben’s eyes.

_Why can’t he see what he is doing to me?_ Ben thought huskily.

Ben coughed distractedly and hastily moved his hand away. “Come on,” Ben breathed out. “Tonight, you’re mine, **_completely_**.” He said like it was a promise, with a dark lustful twinkle in his eye.

Callum smirked flirtatiously and held onto his hand tightly as he led his reacquainted lover across the Square. They felt like a couple of lovesick teenagers all over again as their giggles echoed throughout the market and they stopped to share brief kisses. When they arrived at the flat, Callum led them up the stairs and turned the lights on in the hallway, so the flat illuminated with its bright colours. Ben stepped inside and gulped as his eyes allowed him to wander around the flat.

This is the place where they used to snuggle up for hours on the sofa watching boxsets, movies or pointless TV, where they would make love, eat food and where general happiness and security radiated off the both of them.

But Ben changed that. He changed that by rejecting Callum when he confessed his love for him in this very flat and breaking both of their hearts in the process.

But he hopes to change that now. More than anything, he wants to make it up to Callum and bring the happiness that he supposedly gave him back into his life again.

Ben jumped out of his thoughts when Callum placed his hand on Ben’s arm. Ben looked over at Callum and smiled at the way Callum had that adorable dorky smile painted on his lips.

“Do you want a drink or anything?” Callum asks as he walks back into the kitchen, “I think we have some beers in the fridge.”

Ben walks into the kitchen just as Callum is about to open the fridge. He takes Callum’s hand away from the fridge and pulling him by the lapels, he gives him a hot, steamy, and passionate kiss, conveying **_exactly_** what he wants, and it’s not beer.

“I need you,” Ben says desperately, biting softly on Callum’s bottom lip. “More than anyone baby.”

Callum leans in and kisses Ben again, both desperate to be able to touch again and to be as close as possible. Both of Callum’s hands cradled Ben’s face, which to him was the most beautiful thing in existence. He needed Ben too, more than anything. He waited for him, for too long. Callum knew that they needed each other more than anyone, and it was not for just sex. Without each other, they were indestructible. practically lifeless. They lived off each other’s energy like they were the other’s power source to function. 

“Bed,” Callum whispered huskily against Ben’s lips. He planted one last kiss on Ben’s lips before taking his hand and enthusiastically leading him into his bedroom. As Ben hungrily attached his lips to Callum’s once they hit the bedroom, he slammed the door shut with his foot.

For what seemed like hours later with clothes sprawled across Callum’s bedroom floor and the duvet was scrunched up around them due to rolling about under the duvet amongst other stuff like laughing, kissing and making love, Ben and Callum came down from their high. Unlike their episode at the car lot, this time they took their time with each other, making sure that they worshipped every part of each other’s bodies. Now, they were tucked up under the duvet, the material draped over them from the waist down. Ben was laying on Callum’s chest in a blissful silence, savouring the sound of his heartbeat and how his chest feels whereas Callum was stroking Ben’s hair absentmindedly as his fingers got lost in those beautiful brown locks.

To think that Ben was so close to throwing this all away. But turns out that he was caught in a trap and he cannot walk out. And for once, this trap does not involve the police or his dad. The trap is Callum and he knew now that he could never walk out on Callum or abandon him because he loved him too much. He knew how strongly he felt for Callum and when the time is right, Ben will tell him how he truly feels, but right now, Ben is not ready, he is too scared to say it out loud encase there is some hidden curse. But surely Callum already knows, he does not need telling. But he will, one day soon and everything will be okay, he hopes.

Ben leaned down and kissed Callum lightly on his chest just to make sure that he was there with him, that he was not lured into this false sense of security where Callum was just an image. Ben felt Callum move his arm to cradle his back as he held him tightly.

“You okay?” Callum asks softly.

Ben looked up at Callum, quickly painting a cheeky grin on his lips, “Me? I’m fine. Just recovering. Didn’t expect my boyfriend to _make love_ to me.”

“Well you weren’t exactly in any rush either,” Callum scoffed lightly. “You just seemed like your mind was elsewhere that’s all.”

Ben let out a sigh and bit his lip timidly, “I’m just worried about my dad and just worried that any minute now the police will bash the door down.” Ben could feel Callum rub his arm comfortingly as he continued, “Dad told me that if the police come sniffing to tell them it was all him, but Mitchells don’t grass, _never_.”

“For as long as your dad is in Portugal, no one can get at him. Therefore, your dad said to push the blame on him, probably so you can live your life here, with Lexi…and with me,” Callum said shyly. “If that’s what you want of course.”

“More than anything,” Ben admitted. “You do something to me Cal, something deep inside, something wonderful. I’ve never found a love quite like yours.”

“Alright, don’t start getting all poetic on me,” Callum teased, earning a light chuckle from Ben.

Ben leaned up and kissed Callum sweetly on the lips. “I know I’ve done bad things and I know I don’t deserve you. I also get scared that one day you will realise that you’re better off without me. You give it all and I know you want more.”

“You’re fine the way you are,” Callum quickly interrupted. “Well apart from the criminal bad boy part, but _apart from that_ , you don’t need to change. I will take you as you are any day.”

“I’m just worried that you will wake tomorrow and have doubts and you won’t love me,” Ben said weakly, letting all his guards down and allowing himself to be completely vulnerable. It was a risk, but he was with Callum, so he knew he was safe.

Callum hushed him with a loving and passionate kiss. He heard Ben moan into his mouth. After a few moments, he pulled away. His face was inches away from Ben’s as he used the back of his knuckles to stroke down Ben’s jaw. He looked deeply into his eyes.

“I’ll still love you tomorrow, and always,” Callum promised.

Ben smiled with tears in his eyes. He loved this man so much. He always had a blank space next to his name and after Paul, Ben had no intention of filling it in. Everyone thought Ben was insane, but to be honest who could blame them. But then Callum came along and led him into his ray of glowing sunshine and realised that he could write Callum’s name next to his.

Ben and Callum. Together. Just as it should be. **_Always._**

**Author's Note:**

> I would always love to hear your feedback.  
> Feel free to say hi on Tumblr. My name is ballumschmallum


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